I was on him in a second. I wasn't about to let him get away from me now. He wanted me, I wanted him, it should have been so fucking simple.

Only it wasn't.

Being in love complicated things. Being in love. Jesus, I never thought I'd hear those words in my head again.

He scared me. He made me feel things. I wasn't sure I wanted to do that again. Life was...tolerable. As long as I was comfortably numb. But he was going to want answers to questions he hadn't even asked yet.

And I didn't know if I could do that.

Still...he was so fucking irresistible. All that tenderness he laid on me was real. I hated to admit it, but that was almost more tempting than the thought of fucking him.

Maybe that's why I was so damn scared. Fucking him was one thing. I knew how to do that. I had done that. Over and over. So much it hurt. But loving him...hell, I didn't even know if I could let him love me, never mind me loving him back.

I don't think he cared, though. I could see it in his eyes. He was willing to take me any way I happened to come, and that scared me, too. I didn't have dreams. I had nightmares. Only problem was, the stuff in them really happened. It wasn't even a question of me letting go of them. They had a hold on me that made my days dark and my nights unbearable.

Why the fuck did he want to share that with me?

A huge sigh came from Robert's direction. "You're thinking again, aren't you?" he asked me. I froze where I was, which was a fairly interesting place to be, considering Robert was underneath me.

"I try not to," I said. But Robert wasn't about to let that pass. He sank his fingers into my hair, and I couldn't move away now, not even if I wanted to.

"Why are you afraid to tell me what's bothering you?" he asked. His question was so soft, but that didn't make it any easier to answer.

"If you could see me the way I really am, you wouldn't want me," I whispered, suddenly realizing that I couldn't lie to him anymore.

He tugged on my hair and pulled me close enough to kiss me. God, this was so hard. All my life I'd prayed for someone who could understand me, someone who could love me anyway. It wasn't Paul. It sure as hell wasn't Paul.

But why did it hurt so much to think that it might be Robert?

"Don't..." I muttered against his mouth. I tried to jerk my head away, but he wouldn't loosen his grip on my hair.

"I thought you wanted to."

"I changed my mind." I stared right into his eyes and felt my fucking heart stop. I felt like he could see inside me, and I started to shake.

But he didn't yell or scream or shout. He didn't do any of the things that Paul would've done. He didn't cut me down with words that hurt. He accepted me. Fuck.

"C'mere. I'll hold you till you fall asleep."

I put a hand on his chest, and he dragged it to his lips. "I mean it. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do, Bruno."

Tears ran down my cheeks. I could taste them as they trickled into my mouth. "Stop being so nice to me," I whispered. "I don't deserve it."

"Someday you will." He caressed my wet cheek with his fingertips, and I couldn't help but lean into his hand.

"Sometimes..." he said gently, pulling me into his arms, "when two people hurt...they find each other...and they can help each other make the pain go away."

I wanted that. I really did. But I didn't think I could. So I rubbed my face against his chest and pretended that neither one of us was so fucking hard that we couldn't sleep. There were all different ways to get relief, but I couldn't do it.

"Tell me again..." I begged, me who never begged anyone for anything. "That thing you said. Before."

"Which thing?"

"You know."

I felt him kiss the top of my head, and then he sighed. "I love you."

"That's it."

Then I fell asleep.

*****

Jack was better than a fucking alarm clock. I don't know how he knew that we were probably up all night, but he rang the flat first thing in the morning. "You have school today," he told me.

"Who are you? My father?"

"My dear boy, as appealing as that sounds, I'm afraid not."

That's when I realized that I was alone in bed. I jerked my head up and did a quick search. No Robert. Maybe he was in the shower.

"What do you want, Jack?" I asked, rolling onto my back. I nearly dropped the phone onto the floor, but luckily, I caught it. "You still there?"

"Go to school, Bruno. Do your homework. Then come see me at my flat."

"Will Robert be...um, is Robert going to be there, too?"

"Why wouldn't he be? You two slept together last night, didn't you?"

I couldn't tell from Jack's tone of voice whether he liked the idea...or hated it. "Um, yeah, we did."

I knew I was misleading him. But I couldn't stop myself. It was true. Technically.

"So...you've managed to work things out?"

"Um..."

"You're so delightfully articulate when you've only just woken up, Bruno. It's not that hard a question."

"Yeah, we're good."

That could be taken any number of ways. But Jack was no fool. "I know you are. I assume you had a good time. But don't let it interfere with what's important."

But getting along with Robert was what's important. "I won't," I said dutifully. But suddenly all I wanted to do was find Robert and show him how important he was. "I'll talk to you later, Jack."

"Be good, Bruno."

I'm always good, Jack, I thought. But sometimes I get the better of myself.

*****

Robert had left for school without me. However, there was a note. My first love note, I snorted. What a fucking romantic I was.

Bruno,

There's cereal on the counter and milk in the fridge. Help yourself. I won't see you till later. I've got an exam to study for. I'd say I'll be thinking about you, but...

Something was crossed out, then, something that I couldn't make out. But there was no mistaking the end.

Love,

Robert

Call me crazy, but I saved it. I hid it under my pillow and prayed that Robert was an indifferent housekeeper.

*****

Just like he said, we didn't see each other all day. He was too busy studying, and I was too busy playing catch-up. As usual. By the time I got to Jack's, I was tired and anxious. I wanted to see him so bad, I ached.

Jack was gracious. As ever. Arthur buzzed from the kitchen to the living room like he was on skates. "So...you're going to feed us tonight?"

"Yes. I thought food might make a nice change from the drama we've been having for dinner the past few nights."

I smiled. "Looks like you're running poor Arthur ragged."

"Hmm...he gets so frazzled trying to heat things up in the microwave."

"What's he making?"

"He's reheating pizza. It's very tricky, you know."

I wasn't sure if Jack was serious or not, but I didn't dare laugh. I didn't know where I was on his list now.

"I'll get out of the way then."

"My dear Bruno, you could never be in the way."

I gave Jack a look I reserved for dotty little old ladies who hold up the line at the grocery store while they chat with the cashier about what they ate for breakfast. "I'll be over on the couch."

"With Robert?" he asked in an innocent voice, but if you know one thing about Jack, it's that he's anything but innocent, and he never asks questions that he doesn't already know the answer to.

"Oh, I didn't see him there," I said in the exact same way. Jack grinned at me. He knew that I knew, and I think we were actually enjoying each other knowing.

I sat down on the couch like one of those little old ladies I mentioned. "How was your day?"

"Fine. Yours?"

"Fine."

Great. We'd both been reduced to words of one syllable. "I-" we both said at the same time. "You go first," he said.

I sighed heavily. "Umm...I was thinking about what you said..."

"Aye?"

I stared at my hands which were sliding up and down my thighs. I was wearing jeans, faded, comfortable, almost full of holes, jeans, so all that stroking was going right to my...um...yeah. "I...not what you said last night."

"Oh," he said with a  frown. He sounded disappointed. There was a world of meaning in that 'oh'.

"What you said before that."

"What did I say before that?"

"I...are you teasing me?"

His frown deepened. "I don't think so."

God love him, Robert was so sincere, I just wanted to hug him. There wasn't a devious bone in his body. He might have been a kidnapper, but I believed him when he said it wasn't his idea. Not because he was stupid. But because he said so.

"You said...um...you asked me a question, remember?"

"I did?"

"Yeah. You said, um...be my number two."

"Aye. I remember now."

"So I thought...umm...maybe the job was still...um...open?"

"Not really much of a job. Not really. You wouldn't have all that much to do, actually."

"Oh. Well, that's good. I go to school."

"I know. So do I."

"I write songs, too."

"I know. So do I."

"I don't sing, though."

"I know."

"I wish I did."

"What?"

"Sing. I wrote a song that...umm..." I gave up trying to talk completely and hung my head. My hair flopped into my face and covered my eyes. That was good. I was good at hiding. Maybe if I was lucky, someone would find me. The right someone.

He stroked my hair, and I closed my eyes. God, that felt good. Just that touch and nothing more. I swear I could've lived off it forever.

"Bruno," he whispered, and I felt his breath on my lips. "You can be number one if you want."

I think I said something. Only I can't remember. But it was more than words.

"I don't want to be number one. I just want to be your number two."

"Can I kiss you?"

"I dunno if you should. Jack is watching, and I think he's got the wrong idea bout us."

"Screw Jack. He's got more ideas than the law allows anyway."

"I like Jack."

"I like him, too. But I don't want to kiss him," Robert said crossly.

"I want to kiss you," Robert added, but he wouldn't look at me. That was okay. I knew what he needed, and for once, I was glad that I could give it to him. I cupped my fingers under his chin and pulled his head up until we were looking each other right in the eye. "I want to kiss you, too."

We were making love without touching each other.

Arthur came into the living room with a couple of plates, but Jack stopped him from going any further. "Let's go back to the kitchen."

"What? But the food'll get cold."

"It doesn't matter. We can always heat it up again."

Arthur peered at Jack through his bangs. "Is something going on?"

"Nothing they can't handle," Jack said quietly.

"But-"

Jack silenced him with a kiss. "Ssh..."

Arthur got the silliest look on his face, and suddenly I thought there was a very good reason why it seemed so familiar. I'm sure I looked the same way when I looked in Robert's eyes.

"Robert? If you don't kiss me, I'm going to shout 'rape' and say you did."

"What'll Jack say?"

From the doorway of the kitchen came this surprisingly deep voice. "Jack says...go for it."

When Robert's lips touched mine, tears came to my eyes, and I thought, Jesus, this isn't a fucking romance novel.

And it wasn't. But it was something just as good.

All of a sudden, that voice came again. "Dare I hope that we're getting at least a song out of this?"

"Jackkk..."

"Arthurrrr..."

End