I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I thought things would be okay. Bruno cried himself to sleep in my arms, waking up every damn time I tried to get up. I didn't want to leave him. But I was drained myself. I was so fucking tired I couldn't see straight, and his sobbing made it impossible for me to sleep anyway. Eventually, I reluctantly untangled our arms and legs, managing to doze off in the chair by his bed once, only to wake up startled out of my mind when he screamed.

I don't blame him for thinking I would take off the first chance I could get. He killed someone. Three someones. How was I supposed to get past the part about him being a murderer? How the hell could I love someone like that? What did that make me?

Fucking unhappy. That's what it made me.

I still loved him. I didn't think that was ever going to go away. But what the hell was I supposed to do now? There were no rules for something like this. Things like this just didn't happen.

I thought about leaving. Every fucking minute. I thought about picking up my jacket and walking out the door and leaving my entire life behind. Because that's what he was. My entire life. I wasn't just in love with him. I was fucking obsessed with him.

And I didn't know what to do about it.

But I couldn't leave him.

People left him all the time. But I was different. We were different together. I made a promise, and I would honor that promise if it killed me.

I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the wetness seeping out from under my eyelids. I had no right to be crying. Bruno was the victim, not me.

But if you asked me, it felt the same.

*****

A hand on my shoulder woke me. Wait a minute! Woke me? Somehow, against my will, I'd fallen asleep. "Br-Bruno?"

"It's me," Jack said softly. "Bruno's still asleep."

"H-how is he?"

When Jack didn't answer right away, I worried my bottom lip in much the same way that Bruno did when he was anxious. "What am I going to do, Jack?" I whispered.

Jack sighed. "I was going to suggest that both of you come back to my flat...so I can keep an eye on you...but I'm afraid moving Bruno wouldn't be a good idea right now."

"You're n-not l-leaving?" I asked, my heart suddenly climbing into my mouth. Oh, I was a brave one, all right, sitting at the bedside, holding the hand of the man I loved, but who was going to hold my hand?

Jack's dark-eyed gaze was kindness itself when he looked down at me. "I know you don't have a great deal of room, but if you wouldn't mind, I could sleep on the sofa."

"What about Arthur?"

"Arthur, too, if that's all right. He's bringing something to eat. Otherwise, he would have been here sooner."

"You'd do that for us?"

"My dear, I would do that and much more." Jack paused a beat, looking uncharacteristically uncertain. Jesus, I thought Jack knew everything, and what he didn't know wasn't fucking important.

I blinked away fresh tears. They weren't doing me or Bruno a damn bit of good. "I'm n-not very hungry," I choked out. "And Bruno..."

Jack nodded. "I think what you need is a break, Robert."

A break? I could take a break when poor Bruno was lying there, defenseless?

"You don't have to go far."

Ha, like I could. I could feel the bond between me and Bruno stretched taut like an invisible, unbreakable cord.

"If you break down, Robert, who'll take care of Bruno?" Oh, God, Jack was a master at getting people to do what he wanted. He knew I wouldn't move for my own sake. But Bruno...that was a totally different story.

"I promised him I wouldn't leave him, Jack. What if he wakes up and I'm not here?"

"I'll stay with him."

"No offense, Jack, but you're not me," I responded.

"I don't need to be, Robert. I want you to take a break. Ten minutes, that's all. Do you think you can do that for me?"

"Yeah," I mumbled.

I avoided looking in the mirror when I passed it. I didn't need to see my face to know how badly I was hurting. I could feel it from the inside out.

*****

I sat down on my front steps and lit a cigarette. I wiped at the tears in my eyes with my thumb and inhaled deeply. Smoke filled my lungs and they protested, forcing me into a fit of coughing. That made my eyes tear again, albeit for a completely different reason.

I used to think smoking relaxed me. Once upon a time, I think it did. Now I was so fucking uncoordinated that I couldn't even hold onto the cigarette. It fell from my nerveless fingers and toppled end over end to the ground.

I buried my face in my hands and prayed that when I opened my eyes again, things would be different.

But they weren't. Not a bit.

I stared at the families and loving couples walking up and down the street. It wasn't fair that everything looked so normal. It wasn't fair that other people got to be happy. It wasn't fair that Bruno wasn't one of the lucky ones.

My nose was running. All of a sudden I realized that I hadn't put on my jacket. The air was cool, seasonably brisk, and I was wearing a T-shirt, for God's sake. I swiped my bare arm across my face and grimaced. I was a mess. In more ways than one.

I looked up and saw Arthur standing there, his usually cheerful brown eyes sorrowful. "Are you okay?" he asked me.

I laughed, but from the way Arthur was staring at me, it must have been a bitter noise. My face bleak, I said, "I think you're asking the wrong person."

"No. I want to know how you are. How are you holding up?" he asked softly.

"I'm holding up just fine. Can't you tell?" I cried out brokenly.

Arthur sat down next to me and set his bags down. I could smell the food inside. The aroma of freshly-cooked hamburgers reached my stuffy nose and made my mouth water. "What bothers you most?"

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"Are you going to turn Bruno in?"

"Are you mad? You must be fucking kidding! Why would I do that?" I was outraged. Beyond outraged. It never occurred to me to call the police on Bruno. What he did was...well, it was an act of desperation. But it wasn't killing in cold blood. From the way he described Paul, Paul was either psychotic or impaired most of the time. He abused Bruno, degraded him, and that was something I could never forgive.

Bruno was an instrument of vengeance, and he had used his weapon to eliminate an overwhelming threat to his life as well as B's. He wasn't a stone cold killer. He was the sole victim in all of this.

I couldn't see it any other way, dammit.

"Are you afraid to trust him?"

"No!"

"You won't have any trouble sleeping next to him? You trust him not to hurt you? Or worse?"

"He loves me," I moaned.

"He loved Paul, too."

God help me, but I came dangerously close to hitting Arthur. "I won't leave him," I ground out between clenched teeth.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah," I said with a sob.

Arthur patted me on the shoulder and said, "Then what are you doing out here?"

He helped me up, forgetting about the food for the moment, his arms steadying me on my feet. "Thanks," I whispered.

"I think you're the only one who can heal Bruno. He needs you...to unbreak his heart."

"You think love is going to be enough?"

"It's a damn good start."

*****

I couldn't believe it. Arthur guided me into the bathroom and washed my face. I had no idea where Jack had found him, but he was a fucking miracle. Not that much older than Bruno, Arthur had a quiet way about him that made me feel calmer, more in control, and God knew I needed that.

So did Bruno.

If I was the only one who could really help him, and it was beginning to look that way, I had to be strong. I couldn't fall to pieces now. Bruno was depending on me.

And I needed him to be all right.

*****

I walked into the bedroom feeling a hell of a lot better than I did earlier. Jack glanced at me as I entered, his dark eyes warm and sympathetic.

"Did you manage to get any rest?"

"I did better than that. I ran into Arthur."

Jack smiled when his lover appeared behind me. "So how do you feel now?"

"Like I can whip anyone who gets between me and Bruno."

As if he'd heard me, Bruno whimpered in his sleep, his empty hands clutching at the air. I crossed the room in a few long strides and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm here, baby."

I stroked his hair back from his face and watched as the frown lines on his forehead smoothed out. He couldn't have a better guardian angel than me.

It was what I was born to do.