I was getting desperate. I wanted to bring him home with me. That was a fucking first. Only thing was...I didn't have a fucking place that I could call my own anymore. It was a room, but it was barely clean enough for the bugs.

I'd promised myself something better soon. Real soon. As soon as I could get a real job. I mean, I had one once. I was an estate agent. I was good at it, too. Selling the un-sellable. Hawking flats that bore no possible resemblance to reality. If a flat sat in the middle of the fucking highway, I'd say it was on a slightly busy corner and wash my hands of the damn thing.

I had no conscience then. The odd misgiving or two. But no conscience.

I didn't think I'd missed the development of one now. But there it was. I wanted him. I wanted him in my fucking space, even if I had to kick out the bloody roaches to do it. But I couldn't do that to him.

Why was he any different from any other dick I picked up?

I didn't want to ask myself that question, but I did. Still...I thought it might be a long time before I got around to answering it.

*****

What was he thinking about so hard? I was ready to go wherever he wanted. I hated to interrupt his train of thought like some needy little kid, but I used to have good instincts and it was time that I learned how to trust them again.

"We gonna do this or what, man?"

He gave me this startled look, and I suddenly realized that he wanted this as much as I did. But sometimes it's not as easy as you think, going from Point A to Point B. Ah, but I could have told him, the journey is way better than the destination. So climb on board.

*****

He kept getting inside my head. Jesus, that was a weird feeling. I wasn't used to that. Not since I split with the rest of the gang back in Scotland. We were so close, we could finish each other's sentences. Not that they were very coherent sentences. After all, heroin didn't make you fucking articulate.

But this was different. I had the idea that he knew what I was thinking...and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about that.

*****

In the end, we went back to my room at the dorm. The University wasn't far away. I had no car, and I didn't mind the exercise, but I hadn't planned on using up all my energy walking. I felt restless, keyed up, and Mark slung an arm around my waist, almost like he was trying to hold onto me. That made me feel like breaking free and running up all three flights of stairs to collapse bonelessly on top of my bed. Just to make my heart pound. Just to see how much I could burn off before I pounced on him.

This was my first time with a guy. I didn't know what to do with him now that I had him. But when we walked in, it was like all the air got sucked out of the room. All of a sudden, I couldn't breathe, and I was afraid he was going to take that the wrong way.

"You look like you're going to keel over. Maybe you should sit down or something."

"Maybe I should lie down," I said breathlessly.

"I don't think so. I think that'll make it worse."

"What are you, a fucking doctor?"

"God, no. I just don't-"

I stared at Mark as he stopped talking and tilted his head, a curious light coming into those clear gray eyes. "What?" I asked stupidly. I couldn't have told you what he'd said. Not a word. But that sensation of being kicked in the chest stayed with me. I didn't have asthma. I was developing something much worse.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered.

"You won't." I didn't know why I knew that. But suddenly I was dead sure.

"I might. I'm a right bastard sometimes, and I don't hardly care about anything anymore."

He looked worried, and my breathing started to slow down all on its own. "You don't have to care about me. Just fuck me."

Oh, I was good at sounding like it didn't matter. My heart knew different, but he didn't have to get acquainted with my heart. That might be too much like we really cared about something...or each other.

Something was in his eyes then, something I almost caught a glimpse of, but he was too quick for me. "Right," he agreed, rolling the 'r', and I wanted him to say it again, only this time with his mouth pressed tight against mine.

We pulled off our clothes, and I thanked God, not to mention my folks, for paying for a private room. No roommates. Total privacy. Well, as much as we could expect in a crowded male dorm with thin walls and a bathroom down the hall.

It was evening, though, and there weren't that many people around to hear us if we got loud. And I had every intention of getting loud.

We were pretty much the same height. He was maybe a little taller than me, but not by much. A small silver cross hung from the chain at his neck, and I had an irresistible urge to tug on it and see just how close we could get before I completely gave up on trying not to kiss him.

"Is there something special you want me to do?" I asked.

"No," he choked out. "You're fucking perfect. Where you are, I mean." To my surprise, he blushed. I didn't think someone like him still had it in him to blush that way. But I was starting to look forward to whatever other surprises he might have in store.

*****

I could've stood there all fucking night long and not looked my fill. He was too slender, like a strong wind could blow him away, but he wasn't a bit delicate. His arms and legs were lean but muscular. And his dick was fucking impressive.

But I wasn't looking at his dick. I couldn't take my bloody eyes off his face. His skin was pale and creamy, the kind you just knew was smooth to the touch, but his eyes and his mouth were....well, beautiful. He looked like an angel lying there in wait for the devil.

Maybe he was. Maybe he was something I fucking conjured up out of some hopeless desire and frustration. But I knew one thing. He needed seducing.

And I was just the man to do it.

*****

The way he was looking at me, I didn't have a prayer of lasting very long. I assumed it would hurt the first time, and maybe that was a good thing. It would take the edge off this ridiculous obsession that was growing inside me.

"Do it."

"I should warm you up-"

"Fuck. Just do it."

"You want it to hurt?"

"I've already come once. If I get any more relaxed, I might fall asleep on you."

"Not bloody likely. Not with all this going on." He pointed to his massive erection, and I felt my own cock swell, despite the raucous sense of anticipation that was clamoring in my head.

He pushed me onto my back and spread my arms over my head. Grasping each of my hands in one of his, Mark kissed me. I wasn't sure he meant to do that, but I sighed at the rightness of it all. I opened my mouth, and his tongue slipped inside. My legs brushed against his, and our cocks danced where they were trapped between our bodies.

I was hot and wet everywhere he touched me, my mouth, my nipples, and finally, in between my legs. His touch was insistent but gentle. His slick fingers entered my virgin hole, literally one by one, and I squirmed agitatedly under him. More. I wanted more.

He gave it to me.

I was right. It did hurt. It fucking burned like a son of a bitch. But then it felt better, like a mixture of pain and pleasure together.

Then he really started to move, and I thought, shit, I wasn't going to be able to walk for a week.

Then he came inside me, this throbbing mass of moist heat surging through me and into me and out of me...

...and I came a few seconds later.

He tried to pull out of me, but I grabbed him by the shoulders. "No...stay."

He snorted, but whether in disgust or amusement, I couldn't tell. That was when he laid his head down on my chest and rubbed his cheek against my right nipple.

Suddenly I didn't think this was about fucking anymore.

To Be Continued